Dating Locations: Interest and Stigma Axis Classification System

Some males are confused as to when and where to approach a potential date. I'll address the where in what I believe to be a fairly unique system, which I termed Interest and Stigma Axis Classification. It's a mouthful, but it's quite easy to visualize. 

Interest / Stigma forms orthogonal axes, and 4 quadrants

Places with high common interest would be like museums, bookstores, or other hobby-related events and locations, where you both go because of common interests. The existing commonalities makes it easier to connect. 

Places that everybody visits with no expectations and low risk of judgment, such as parks, coffee shops, and supermarkets are considered low stigma. However, with little commonality, it will take some effort to connect. 

Some locations are considered high stigma, such as family events, work places, or gyms, where flirting is often considered creepy or at least frowned upon. It will take some serious effort, such as repeated minimal friendly contact to build trust, before proper approach and shift of location be initiated. 

Best places to approach women are locations that are high common interest as well as low-stigma, such as specialty events, or unique travel destinations. 

Before you approach, you should prepare yourself with a visual cue by observing your target. You are trying to establish commonality, and one quick way is to emulate at least one visual aspect. Holding a camera? Wearing a similar themed T-shirt? Use that to start striking up a conversation. 

To keep it up, maintain proper posture, keep up the eye contact (but not in a creepy way), engage in light convo, to build trust. The rest, I leave up to you. 

Dating Advice: What Sort of Text to NEVER Send? (I count 7 types)

NOTE: I'm a guy, and I'm straight, so this blogpost is meant for guys dating girls. If your tastes run in other circles some of this texting advice may still apply. 

If you've spent time on the dating scene (and who hadn't?) on either dating apps or texting, you have no doubt have this happened to you... you send something you thought was a nicely crafted message, hit send... and got nothing back. 

While it is very easy to blame the other side as "flakey" or "fake profile", it may be best to check your message against these 7 types of "text to never send"... which is obviously not a comprehensive list. 

There are some texts you should NEVER send to a girl when you're dating her. In no particular order:

Photo of man texting, by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Babbling

Your communication with her should be short with intent (and that intent is to push the relationship forward). If it's not related, don't send it. "Hi, how are you this morning" is a waste of bandwidth. You may think it makes you look "considerate". Chances are, it makes you look boring and desperate as you're just babbling something barely better than nonsense. 

Pedestaling

You are dating a girl who obviously means something to you, but that's no reason to "put her on a pedestal" and over-validate her self-worth. It is likely something she already heard before, and it'd just make you sound desperate and pathetic. Use a more subtle compliment instead. 

Sexualizing

Do NOT sext a girl until you two become exclusive, and maybe not even then. If you come across as vulgar you may live on in Internet Infamy as your sext gets screenshotted and go viral as what-not-to-do.  

Infantilizing

You are a mature individual (I hope) and thus you should not be sending texts with horrible grammar, LEETspeak, excess of emojis, or otherwise suggests you're an emo angst-driven teen. 

Overplanning

Some guys love to plan things out... a whole week in advance, but most of us don't know what we'd be doing 2 days from now unless it's something regimented, like work or school. If you do plan on a date with her, it's best to arrange it with only 2-3 days ahead, instead of 4+ days. The longer ahead you set the date, the more chances something will come up forcing a cancellation. 

Underplanning

The opposite of overplanning, some guys are so spontaneous, they expect everybody else to have nothing to do and can accomodate them at a moment's notice. They then lament why can't they get a date when she had other plans. Or failed to confirm 48 and 24 hours before the date. Let's just say some people's memory are... malleable. 

Chatting / Pen-pal-ing

Remember "intent"? You're trying to date this girl, not be her penpal. It is a very good way to get "friend-zoned". 

In conclusion, it is perfectly possible that even if you did not commit any of these texting sins, she still faded away. Some people are just flaky, and it's not always your fault. But it's best to look inward first for potential problems first, before looking outward. 

Now send those texts and get those dates.