How Small is Your Smalltalk?

We all can be socially awkward, but introverts doubly so. Here are some tips to learn the art of smalltalk...

First, you need to engage the target of your smalltalk

The Initial Engagement: Connect and handshake

Start with a quick story about yourself, that your target can related to, then ask for reciprocity. If you have heard of Philipp Humm's "storyselling", this is a "connection story". It should be based on your recent experience, followed by "what about you?"

EX:"I used to play tennis at semi-pro, but recently I picked up the racket again and I can barely get the ball over the net. What about you? Got any sports that you can't let go even though you're not good at it?"

Once you got the target talking, you can do the name and handshake. 

Listen, Wait to Respond, Ask for Clarification and/or Paraphrase Back

When the target starts talking, listen carefully. You're trying engage him/her to talk some more.

When target finishes talking, do NOT start talking just to fill the silence. Take a few seconds to think about what you are going to say. Don't take too long though. 3-5 seconds at most. This makes you look more deliberate, and emphasizes that you've been paying attention. 

Asking for clarification, as well as paraphrase their point back to them proves that you were actively listening. Establish dialog. 

Keep it Small and Light, Using Context and and Structure

Smalltalk is no place to bring up politics or religion. Keep the subject light, and talk "small" (or "brief" and "concise"). Not sure what to say? Answer the following 3 questions: "What? So What? Now what?"

EX: "American football, huh? Never felt I had any talent for it. But those footballer get to hang out with all the cheerleaders, at least back then. Was it same for your school too? Wonder what happened to them?"

Keep it Moving 

While it's nice you found someone to talk to, don't monopolize one guy. After a few back and forth, exchange contact info, and maybe join another group, either together, and have that guy introduce you, so you gradually expand your social circle. 

The point is to have fun, make contact, and talk to people. Those connections may be useful later. And the more you do this, the less anxiety you will feel. 

Now get out there.